Why don’t we plan for aging or disability? Read that question out loud and listen to what the chatter in your mind is saying. The chatter changes as we get older. When we are younger, we are invincible – so “why bother?” is our reason for not planning. When we reach middle age, the message is, “Yep, I need to talk to my parents about planning.” NOT I NEED TO PLAN. And even then, I believe, we don’t, because talking to our parents about aging forces us to look at two difficult possibilities. The first is that our parents are aging, and it means we could be without them some day soon and “I will deal with whatever happens with my parents IF it ever does happen.” Denial and fear that anything could happen to our parents- or ourselves, is why I believe we fail to plan in middle age. When we are nearing retirement, I believe our minds go into a protective mode. This protective mode is also why we tend to shy away from interacting with aging or disabled persons… FEAR! Fear that their situation will become our reality. The paradigm shift that I ask my clients to make is this. How can pre-planning improve my life? How can failure to pre-plan threaten my well-being? Let us look at the possibilities and see if we can create the shift.
What does pre-planning and team building involve? This process covers three main areas of our lives: Health Possibilities, Financial Options and End-of Life Choices. Although Medicine, Science and Technology are offering us a menu of chances to learn of our genetic health pre-dispositions and financial and end of life options; I believe in a less scientific approach to this area of planning. I ask my clients to answer these questions:
- What are my current health challenges? (ie: Diabetes)
- Who do I have in place legally to assist me if I am unable to care for any or all aspects of my life?
- Have I organized my finances and plans in a manner that can be easily accessed by this person?
- Have I thought about what I want for my end of life?
- Have I planned for it and paid for it?
- What are the possible outcomes if I don’t plan?
I have seen the difference made when people are willing to just answer these questions. Dr. Maya Angelou said “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” In my opinion, doing the best you can means getting the correct legal documents in place to ensure that there will be someone who can help you when needed. The emotional and financial consequences of not doing this are devastating! Once, the documents are completed, follow your Attorney’s direction on what do to with these documents. Now that this step is completed, congratulate yourself and realize that you have just done more advanced planning than a large percentage of persons will ever do.
After that celebration is over, next consider writing down your current health conditions, medications and medical providers names and contact information. Put this information in a place that is easily accessible to your Health Care Surrogate and communicate that location with them. Try to update this list quarterly. Last, consider writing down information about all your financial investments and insurances. Then, put this information in a place that is easily accessible to your Power of Attorney. Try to update this list quarterly too.
The final step is, when you know better, do better and it is where someone like me will help you…. We will work on these questions and more:
- What health conditions did or do my parents face? (ie: Dementia)
- Do we need to re-visit your Attorney to discuss additional legal preparations?
- What are the obstacles to living my best life that aging can present? (ie: inability to live in my own home safely)
- How will I pay for assistance if I need it?
- Do we need to meet with your Financial Planner and/or Insurance Agent?
- What are the possible outcomes if I do not plan?
- What is important to me?
- What are my options? ie: Different communities and what they offer.
- What can I do now to create a Life Worth Living, later?
- Have I thought about what I want for my end of life?
- Have I planned for it and paid for it?
I will never promise that this planning will totally remove fear. I will let you know that in the almost 28 years I have had the privilege of serving people in this capacity, planning equals better outcomes and quality of life. Planning is also the best gift you can give yourself and the people you love.
Please make sure when you are choosing someone to take this journey with that, they will work with you at your pace…not theirs. Allow this person or organization the time to earn your trust. If you do not have a comfort level with their knowledge and integrity, don’t be afraid to say…Next! This is your life and your well-being…. Be your own hero, your future self will thank you.
Always remember- each person involved in care partnering is as important and valuable as the others.
